It is in my nature to stay and fight for my beliefs but what am I supposed to do if I come into contact with my past addictions. Should I take off running the opposite direction? Maybe I should just hang around and let my training that I learned in treatment take over. To be honest I really don’t know what will happen when that day finally comes around.
All I do know for sure is that I have been doing everything I can to avoid those people and my addictions. Even if at times I do feel as if that avoiding those people ruins my life because I miss my old friends dearly. Then again if they were my real friends would they not want the best for me? I really feel like if I let them back in my life then they would not surround me with any substances. Although I also feel almost certain that if I hang out with the old gang then coming into contact with an old addiction would be inevitable.
My Instinct To Fight
I am so split between my instinct to fight for my old friends and the training that taught me to avoid my addictions. The confusion gets too much at times but then I gain a source of inspiration. My inspiration derives from the thoughts of my sponsor telling me to become the person that I know I can be. When I first heard those words I thought they were useless. Yet over the years those words stayed with me and over time I feel as if I now finally understand the underline meaning in what my sponsor said.
Having Self Worth
By saying, “become the person that I know I can be” my sponsor was attempting to get me to want to do what I knew in my heart is best for me. Basically my sponsor wanted me to gain an understanding of my self-worth as an addict that was looking for a second chance at recovery. I feel as if I am starting to take the right directions to becoming sober again by reflecting on my training. However I cannot avoid the fact that it all feels unnatural. I do not mean that I am not making the decisions I want. It is more or less because I am altering my instinct to stay and protect the decisions that I have already made. I am happy to see that I am not too old to learn a new trick or two that helps me avoid a chance of relapse.